Darkness in the Mind

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As I look inside myself, all I see is darkness. I see no walls or reflections of light bouncing off objects. As I feel my way around, nothing feels familiar. I find myself wanting to sit down and wait for the lights to come back on. I'm afraid of the dark when I can't even see shadows. I don't know if I'm walking in a room, down a path or hallway, or even out in the open air. All I can see are the events that happened in the past. They play like a slide show that is not being show in chronological order, just random, hodge-podge images.

I feel disconnected from all sources. I no longer see goals for my future. I have once again lost my ability to sense other people's feelings. I am walking in the dark. I feel blind. I'm afraid to release my hesitations and proceed on faith. I have lost my own control, but I am afraid to admit it to myself. I have arrived at a point in my life where a major leap will occur. I must let go and allow the currents to take me where they may.

I don't know what I want or where I need to go. My life is on hold. I can't continue until I let go. The problem is I don't know what I'm holding on to. I have become paralyzed. I can't seem to make a move in any direction. I find myself afraid to hand in job applications or even update my resume.

I have been having trouble sleeping which is affecting my thinking.

I just figured out what I need to let go of. I need to release control. I need to place myself in the hands of someone else. Let them make the next moves. I need to trust the fact that the decision is okay and proceed with blind faith.

...I'm afraid of the dark.