These writings are from my dark period. I look at them from time to time to see just how far I have come in the understanding of myself and life around me.
There was a time when I could not see the world around me. I was alone in a group of people or even with friends. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I let the world pass on by without caring what time, day, or year it was. I let the medical profession poke into my mind, fill me with medication, and tell me how I was to manage my life. Still, nothing seemed to matter to me. I was still letting life pass me by. I heard numerous times how bright I was and that I could do anything. But even with self esteem boosting, nothing seemed to matter to me.
Then one day I sat in my parked car and stared out the window. I noticed a small boy playing with his trucks. He had an entire city before him. People, buildings, and cars were clearly visible to me. Nothing was truly there except the boy and his trucks. But what I saw was his imagination at work. He was creating his world not only before his own eyes, but before mine as well. I realized at that moment, that I was waiting for the world to appear before me. I had stopped wishing and wondering and trying to improve my mind. I had forgotten a little three letter word that allows the world to grow as well as my mind. That word is why.
Now as I look at everything I find myself asking, "Why is that the way it is?" I am no longer content with seeing what is truly there. I want to know what brought it there and what it could be. Now when life seems to start passing me by again, I open my imagination and see the world appear. I am now responsible for the world that I see.